No Complaints, Mate

Whine-Free Week

2009-12-01T15:54:00.004+11:00

I may be on hiatus, but there are others carrying on this fine work. No Complaints Allowed: Living a Whine Free Week was just published at Holistic With Humor. The author, Trudy Totty, says she has always done these sorts of life experiments for decades, this one being the most powerful so far.

She says after a few days she feels more energetic, has better relations with those close to her, and the feeling of having "cleared out the junk drawer in her head".

She calls on others to give it a try. If you'd like to, join her whine-free week group at Facebook.

As for me, I intend to kick off the 21-day complaint-free experiment again next month, once I leave this job.

It seems we're not alone.

2009-07-30T19:45:00.003+10:00

Of course, that much is obvious. Everyone complains -- we know that. But it's always refreshing to see someone acknowledge and discuss it. Eric Weiner (pronounced whine-er...and yes, he sees the irony in that) recently wrote this article titled A Traveler's Fine Whine.

He talks about the cathartic value of complaining (which I've always maintained, as evidenced in this blog) and also delves into the differences between the different types of complaints that travelers make.

He ends the article with this great quote from Ziggy:

“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”

There's two sides to everything. Every rose has its thorn. Just like every night has it's dawn...

The BIG hiatus.

2009-07-27T12:59:00.003+10:00

OK, deep breath.

As if to reinforce my decision to put this little project on hold, we were hammered today at work. As the systems around this place seem to deteriorate and any changes "they" make seem to cause major issues (I mean, is there any testing done at all?), it's clear that successfully completing 21 straight days with no complaints is next to impossible.

I'd like to say I'm better than that, but the truth is, I'm not. I find too much comfort in the complaint.

The bright side to this, is that I can pinpoint the source of 95% of my complaining (work). With us on the downhill slide to our stint in Australia--we have just over 5 months left--we feel confident that this challenge, once we end our jobs, will be, for lack of better words, less challenging.

So unless we somehow stumble upon zen, it's time to put this aside until then.

In the meantime, please follow us at The Long Layover. I may come back here to post interesting contemplations on the whole complaining thing. Or maybe just to rant.

Thanks for reading so far!

And now, in the words of the immortal Arnold Schwarzenegger, "we'll be back".

Take 2. Day 18. Is this impossible while working a job?

2009-07-21T21:43:00.000+10:00

Or just impossible while working MY job?

This week we've been half-staffed, which means a lot more work for me, which means I talk to a lot more people, which means I talk to a lot more stupid people.

Which means I complain more.

Yvonne isn't satisfied with her work either. The bright side is that we have less than six months left. I have a feeling the no complaints thing will be easier once we're out of the 9-5 life.

It's a terrible way to live, we think. As Loverboy said, "everybody's working for the weekend". How can this be? That we spend five out seven days where the main goal is to make it to the sixth day? And then after the seventh day start the whole cycle again?

This is mental. I couldn't be more over the 9-5 thing.

Take 2. Day 16. Not the only one full of it.

2009-07-19T22:00:00.002+10:00

So, it appears I'm not the only one who's full of shit. One of our neighbour's dog is too. As we went downstairs we were greeted at the common entrance by a fresh pile of stinky dog poop. Not just that, a couple meters away was a pool of yellow piss. To be clear, this is INSIDE the building.

Nice.

Consecutive complaint-free days:

Carlo: 0
Yvonne: 0

Take 2. Day 13. The streak is over.

2009-07-16T20:49:00.000+10:00

Dangit. It was a simple slip of the tongue, but as soon as I said it, I knew. The jig was up.

Since the meditation weekend I've incorporated a 15 minute meditation into my daily routine. I'd like to think this had something to do with me being unusually placid at work this week, and letting the frustrations roll off my back.

A funny thing happened after uttering that complaint. I was agitated all day and had zero patience with callers. Almost like I had a wall up protecting me, and when that I made that complaint, some bricks were knocked out making me vulnerable.

Or, maybe I'm just full of shit.

Consecutive complaint-free days:

Carlo: 0
Yvonne: 0

Take 2. Day 12. Yawn.

2009-07-15T23:34:00.000+10:00

Consecutive complaint-free days:

Carlo: 9
Yvonne: 0

Take 2. Day 11. Rolling along.

2009-07-14T20:58:00.000+10:00

Yvonne did have a complaint-free day yesterday, but not today. I think the further you get the easier it becomes because you are much more aware and put in extra effort to avoid the complaint about to slip out of your mouth. Knock on wood.

Carlo: 8
Yvonne: 0

Take 2. Day 9. Peace, love, and happiness.

2009-07-12T20:18:00.002+10:00

Photo: zenonline

So we're just settling back in at home from a weekend away in the mountains. Er, hills...anyway, a meditation retreat in the Dandenongs. It was an extremely peaceful time, with everyone there with the same goals and attitudes, which makes it all the more easy to have such a great experience. Let's see how we carry this back into the "real world".

You can expect to see some of my writings appear about our experiences over at our other blog The Long Layover and possibly at Brave New Traveler.

The burning question. Did we make it through the weekend complaint free? I did. A certain someone other didn't.

Consecutive complaint-free days:

Carlo: 6
Yvonne: 0

Take 2. Day 6. Gaining momentum for the weekend.

2009-07-09T22:16:00.000+10:00

I might be getting the hang of this. I've had several moments at work where my face has gotten flush in frustration and I've had to bite my tongue to stop me bitching about the call I just had, but I did it.

This weekend we're off to a meditation retreat. Surely there can't be anything to complain about there. I presume we'll be too calm and Zen to complain. So hopefully I'll be on a real roll at the end of the weekend and can keep it going.

21 days. It ain't easy, but it's not impossible!

Consecutive complaint-free days:

Carlo: 3
Yvonne: 0

Take 2. Day 5. Applause please.

2009-07-08T22:12:00.003+10:00

Photo: Beige Alert

Despite what was thrown my way today I got through it unscathed. First was the cold bike ride in, where it was 3 deg C. Coulda complained bout that. But didn't.

And then there was the couple of users I had on the phone at work, when I could literally feel the temperature of my blood rise from the bottom of my feet up to my head - you know, where when it gets to the top and then steam shoots out of your ears.

The face gets flush, the ears get hot, a headache starts to kick in. But I held back, maintained my composure, politely hung up the phone at the end of the call and took a deep breath.

I wonder if it's still in there, buried somewhere inside.

I have a feeling Yvonne's heart isn't quite in it at this point. Her "yeah, probably" response to me asking her if she complained today kind of indicated that.

Consecutive complaint-free days:

Carlo: 2
Yvonne: 0 (probably)

Take 2. Day 4. I deserve a pat on the back.

2009-07-07T20:24:00.000+10:00

For getting through a WORK day complaint free. Yvonne...not so much.

Consecutive complaint-free days:

Carlo: 1
Yvonne: 0

Take 2. Day 3. A new record!

2009-07-06T15:21:00.001+10:00

We were barely awake before the first complaints were uttered. Maybe that's an exaggeration, but we were on our bike ride to work when Yvonne starting to complain to me about how I haven't yet adjusted her seat like she'd asked me to "a thousand times". Which is true. I hadn't.

Of course, I start complaining about her complaining, and...there you have it. Back to square one (er, zero).

Consecutive complaint-free days:

Carlo: 0
Yvonne: 0

Take2. Day 2. Sundays are easy.

2009-07-06T14:47:00.002+10:00

This one didn't take a lot of effort. Watched Angels and Demons too. No complaints (we preferred the ending in the movie to the book - the book was a bit too-far-fetched).

Consecutive complaint-free days:

Carlo: 1
Yvonne: 2

Take 2. Day 1. One word.

2009-07-06T14:30:00.003+10:00

Mold.

Now, the clause here is that as long as you do something to rectify your situation, it's not really a complaint i.e. "Excuse me, this French apple turnover has a lot of mold on the bottom. I would like to exchange it for something else."

Which I did. Sort of. The lil ol' Russian lady made a move to swap if for another but I told her I just wanted my money back, that I lost my appetite. (And yes, I do realize my faux pas in buying a French pastry from a Russian bakery).

So that wasn't the complaint. The problem is that I couldn't get it out of my mind, so in order to try to purge the image of an old pastry with large green spots with white fuzz rings I had to complain about it.

Yvonne, on the other hand, enjoyed her poppyseed pastry.

(Almost forgot...I also had the most disappointing coffee in the 1.5 years we've been in Melbourne)

Consecutive complaint-free days:

Carlo: 0
Yvonne: 1

Take 2. Day 0. Let's get it (re)started.

2009-07-03T13:24:00.003+10:00

OK. Things seem to be settling down again. The whole virus "incident" is over at work and it's back to normal. Well, as normal as it can be I suppose. The preparation for my ITIL certification exam is over - I took the test today. Pretty sure I passed, but if I didn't you can expect a deluge of complaints in a week or two.

It's Friday, and there's no better time to kick off a new attempt at the 21 consecutive complaint-free days. Weekends are just good for that.

We were unplugged last week for five days. No work, no Internet, no computers...no complaints? To be honest, not sure about that. The complaint-free exercise takes energy, dedication and tenacity. Three things I didn't want to exhibit while on vacation. So there's a very good chance there were complaints, although I'm sure they were minor (e.g. this weather sucks!).

Anyway, I think it's time to give it another college try (no idea what that means). If you're out there, we'll need all the help we can get, so give us a shout of support!

Consecutive complaint-free days:

Carlo: 0
Yvonne: 0

Day 21. How did a week go by already?

2009-06-22T12:49:00.002+10:00

Argh. Is this turning into one of those things that starts off flying, then peters out and dies a slow death, recalled only in passing and brushed off with nonchalance?

Maybe. I hope not, though. This challenge has been more taxing than I ever would have thought. I never realized how much energy it takes to constantly be aware of my complaining. We have this feeling throughout the day, before that first complaint escapes our lips, like something is building.

And then when that complaint gets out there, it's like a floodgate opens.

This Thursday morning Yvonne and I are flying over to the Gold Coast, to Coolangatta, for some much needed R&R. No laptops. No Internet. And most importantly, no work. It will be books and chilling out. Any writing will be done the old fashioned way, with pen and paper.

So the rest of this week we are taking a hiatus on the Complaint Free World challenge. We need to regroup and refocus.

Consecutive complaint-free days:

Carlo: 0
Yvonne: 0

Day 14. Apologies to my loyal followers.

2009-06-15T22:08:00.000+10:00

Right, like anyone's listening (is that a complaint?). Anyway, I feel like I'm letting myself down. I feel like I'm letting YOU down. My loyal follower(s).

The experiment is not going well. I'm starting to wonder how necessary this is. As I said before, I really like the idea of it - but maybe it's just too...I don't know. Too Sound of Music? Too...Little House on the Prairie?

Kate Sedgewick, in response to me starting this, and to her previous attempts to go complaint-free, had this to say:

"I later changed the rule so that the bitching was required to have some value - entertainment, catharsis, etc"

I see what she means now. I've realized, by being much more conscious about it, that complaints are not all made equal. And I am starting to come to the conclusion that yes, some complaints can be used for entertainment and cathartic value.

This isn't all to say I am giving up, because I'm not. I think I need to re-focus though. As we continue I think maybe I'll have more revelations.

Consecutive complaint-free days:

Carlo: 0
Yvonne: 0

Day 13. Sunday Complaint Sunday

2009-06-14T22:52:00.001+10:00

Sung to the tune of U2's Sunday Bloody Sunday.

Consecutive complaint-free days:

Carlo: 0
Yvonne: 0

Day 12. You'd think being Saturday would help.

2009-06-13T22:38:00.002+10:00

But it apparently didn't. The weekends are supposed to be the safe sanctuary, the time when it should be easy to go complaint-free. I found myself complaining to a friend about the crazy work week I just had. If there's one positive I can take away from this, it's that the vast majority of my complaints are work-related. I said IF there's one positive...

We need to shift gears here somehow. This isn't working. Suggestions anyone?

Consecutive complaint-free days:

Carlo: 0
Yvonne: 0

Days 9,10,11. Write-off, write-off, write-off.

2009-06-12T21:48:00.000+10:00

Work has been mad this whole week. Virus issues have ensured that I've launched into extended complaint tirades everyday. Internet access has been shut off all week, which made the days even longer. We finally got it back at lunch time today, but didn't matter. There were still so many other problems I didn't have time to use it.

Yvonne still hasn't made that first step and can't claim a no-complaint day just yet. This is getting depressing.

Consecutive complaint-free days:

Carlo: 0
Yvonne: 0

Day 8. Not a snowball's chance in hell.

2009-06-09T22:28:00.005+10:00

I walked directly into the firing squad this morning. The issues from last week due to the virus infection on our network were still there today, plus a few more problems tossed in for good measure. While I can't recall specifically any complaints I made, I am 99.9% certain I unleashed a barrage of them throughout the day. It's all just a blur right now.

No complaints now, insanity later?

As I've said before, I find complaining therapeutic, especially at work. It's a release. That's not to say that I don't believe that it's negative, because it is. I know. What I am struggling with, though, is finding an alternative to deal with pent up frustration. Is there truth to behind Seinfeld's "serenity now, insanity later" episode? Might I blow like Kramer did and smash every computer in sight? Very possible. Very possible indeed.

Consecutive complaint-free days:

Carlo: 0
Yvonne: 0

Day 7. Two down, but a big test ahead.

2009-06-08T22:00:00.002+10:00

Notched another complaint-free day on the ol' belt today. Yvonne didn't quite make it, but I have a feeling she's not trying so hard.

Tomorrow is the big test. First day back after a long weekend. From experience, I know Mondays are bad and Tuesdays after a long weekend are even worse. Users forgetting their log in passwords (too much drinking over the weekend?), things just not working properly.

Not to mention the end of last week. End of day Friday we were still feeling the effects of the virus that spread around last Wednesday. I really hope there were techs working all weekend to clean it up. It will be a tough day no doubt (not that I'm complaining though).

Consecutive complaint-free days:

Carlo: 2
Yvonne: 0

Day 6. Success at last!

2009-06-07T23:28:00.000+10:00

At least for one of us anyway.

Consecutive complaint-free days:

Carlo: 1
Yvonne: 0

Day 5. Doubts creep in.

2009-06-06T22:30:00.000+10:00

I know we're only five days into this thing, but the difficulty it's presenting, to go even one single day without a complaint, is a bit disheartening. I've had thoughts to scrap it, writing it off as silly and justifying the "need" to complain (for therapeutic purposes).

But, I know the general idea behind it is solid and there can't be doubt that less negativity can only be a good thing. Coupled with the fact that I start so many things and never finish them, I'm determined to see this one out.

Consecutive complaint-free days:

Carlo: 0
Yvonne: 0

Day 4. Nope.

2009-06-05T23:00:00.000+10:00

Consecutive complaint-free days:

Carlo: 0
Yvonne: 0

Day 3. Strike 3.

2009-06-04T22:03:00.003+10:00

So close. I'd like to think so, anyway. I faltered when some colleagues were late coming back from their lunch. I was waiting for them to go on mine, so...you know.

Yvonne didn't make it either, but she's more aware, so it's a start.

Still not completely sure what constitutes complaining, I re-read this quote from the FAQs:

“Complaining is not to be confused with informing someone of a mistake or deficiency so that it can be put right. And to refrain from complaining doesn’t necessarily mean putting up with bad quality or behavior. There is no ego in telling the waiter your soup is cold and needs to be heated up—if you stick to the facts, which are always neutral. ‘How dare you serve me cold soup…?’ That’s complaining.”

—Eckhart Tolle, “A New Earth”

I think I'm starting to get it.

Consecutive complaint-free days:

Carlo: 0
Yvonne: 0

Day 2. Not a good one.

2009-06-03T19:32:00.004+10:00

First of all, a big F**K YOU to whoever stole the two turtle lights off my bike.

And yes, I know that's a complaint, but I lost this day a long time ago. At about 8:05 this morning. I started work at 8:00.

We had a virus outbreak today, which explains that. But it didn't stop there for me. We also had a fire drill and had to walk down 27 flights of stairs. This year so far is one of the driest here on record; it's rained like five times in five months. It rained on my ride home.

And to top it all off, as mentioned before, someone stole my turtle lights ($3.50 at home, but about $20 here).

So as you can see, I didn't stand a chance. Yvonne didn't fare much better. Back to the drawing board!

Consecutive complaint-free days:

Carlo: 0
Yvonne: 0

Day 1. And already some questions.

2009-06-02T17:32:00.009+10:00

I didn't realize it could be so complicated. Or, maybe I'm just making it complicated. But things I never thought about before I'm thinking about now.

For one, what exactly constitutes a complaint? It's easy to just say "OK, no complaining" but when you start becoming aware you start to question things. For example, "it's cold" or "I'm cold". Is this a complaint? It's a fact isn't it? If you follow that up by doing something about it, like putting a sweater on, does that negate it?

Another thing, is there such a thing as constructive complaining? Here's what I mean. I work on an IT Service Desk. We take calls from users who have computer problems. It can often be frustrating, as you might imagine. Sometimes, as a call goes on, the frustration can build and build. One way of releasing that built up frustration is, as soon as we hang up with the user, complaining to each other (which may or may not contain expletives).

It's quite clearly complaining, I'm not questioning that. But could it be positive in that it's therapeutic? Related to that, our complaining to each other is team bonding in a way. It provides a sense of camaraderie and understanding, albeit at the expense of the poor computer illiterate callers.

Almost!

After making it through most of the day complaint-free, we both lost it towards the end. Yvonne walked in the door, complaining about our new downstairs neighbours who have a dog that barks loudly, even when they're there, and they don't do anything about it (so, very valid really).

I complained after dinner, when Yvonne didn't share her chocolate.

Consecutive complaint-free days:

Carlo: 0
Yvonne: 0

The Arrival. And Complaint #1

2009-06-01T19:08:00.000+10:00

They've arrived! Although, not without complaint. One of them is split a little.

That aside, we're gonna start fresh tomorrow morning. 21 straight days without a complaint.

Wish us luck!

The bracelets are in the mail

2009-05-19T14:24:00.000+10:00

If you don't like something change it;
if you can't change it, change your attitude.
Don't complain. - Maya Angelou

I first heard of A Complaint Free World from fellow Matador editor Christine Garvin. Her post at Brave New Traveler titled Quitters Unite: The Joys of Complaint-Free Travel showcases this positive movement that challenges people to go 21 days in a row without a single complaint. It's a habit-forming exercise. If you can go that long doing anything, chances are you'll continue doing it.

The idea is that if you, and others around you, complain less, you will nurture a more positive attitude and environment (which we're all for).

To aid in the challenge (and to raise funds for other programs that the not-for-profit organization run), you can purchase purple bracelets for $1 each. The idea is to wear this bracelet and each time you find yourself complaining, you swap it to your other arm. This will raise your awareness of just how much you complain.

So, the goal: Keep that bracelet on one arm for 21 straight days!

For now we wait for the bracelets, shipped from the US of A. We'll keep a running blog here about how we're doing, and our thoughts as we go along. Follow us and find out if we can make it!

To read more detail about this unique program, download this PDF of FAQs.